THE RULES OF THE SOUTH ARE AS FOLLOWS:

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked..

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in,we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

 
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu.  Order steak.  Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes:
meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. ( don 't you love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

 
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

Let Wal-Mart Do It

1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.

2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco & K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer.  Most can't speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.

8. During this same time span, 31 supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).

9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers;  this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.

11. This year, 72 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.

13. Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street!

            This one I added:

14. Let Wal-Mart underwrite healthcare insurance so it can be affordable for all Americans!!

Wisdom…

 

1. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.


2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


3. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.


4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.


5.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.


6. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.


7. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.


8. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.


9. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.


10. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.


11. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.


12. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist is reversed.


13. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.


14. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.


15. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you do the same thing again.


16. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.


17. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.


18. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.


19. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

20. And never, EVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night!

 

This is for all women who have ever loved an insensitive, shallow, prideful or callous man. May it bring you the strength to value yourselves and, if necessary, break away.

Blessings, Ms Dreamweaver

          
Great Spirit, I am Mother.
I was made by You so that the image of Your love Could be brought into existence.
May I always carry with me
The sacredness of this honour.

Creator, I am Daughter.
I am the learner of the Traditions.
May I carry them forward
So that the Elders and Ancestors
Will be remembered for all time.

Maker-Of-All-Things, I am Sister.
Through me, may my brothers be shown
The manner in which I am to be respected.
May I join with my sisters in strength and power as a Healing Sheild
So that they will no longer bear the stain of abuse.

Niskam, I am Committed Partner:
One who shares her spirit,
But is wise to remember never to give it away,
Lest it become lost,
And the two become less than one.
I am Woman.
Hear me.
Welal'in.
Ta'ho!

Native American (Mi'kmaq)